Anymore Funny Jokes anyone?? :D

SunFlash 7 years ago

USA 19 3260

Manchester United.

Huehuehue

liomessi10 7 years ago Edited

Barcelona, Argentina 222 3053

Memes:

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That is SPOT ON!!!

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Showing previous versions of this text.

2017-05-04 18:13:46

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2017-05-04 18:13:46

Memes:

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liomessi10 7 years ago

Barcelona, Argentina 222 3053

View post on imgur.com

liomessi10 7 years ago

Barcelona, Argentina 222 3053

Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland’

The other bloke responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’

The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?’

The other bloke answers, ‘I’m from Dublin, I am.’

The first one responds, ‘So am I!’

‘Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?’

The other bloke says, ‘A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.’

The first one says, ‘Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?’

The other bloke answers, ‘Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.’

The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?’

The other bloke answers, ‘Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’

The first one exclaims, ‘The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same place tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self!’

About this time, Vicky walks up to the bar, sits down and orders a drink.

Brian, the barman, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, ‘It’s going to be a long night tonight.’

Vicky asks, ‘Why do you say that, Brian?’

‘The Murphy twins are drunk again.’

liomessi10 7 years ago Edited

Barcelona, Argentina 222 3053

2 Liners

1:
Q: What computer sing the best?
A: A dell

2:
Q: Why did Adele cross the road?
A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"

3:
A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"

4:
One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"

5:
Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

6:
Teacher: "Why are you so late?"
Student: "Someone told me to go to hell."
Teacher: "Why did that make you late to class?"
Student: "I couldn't find it at first, but now here I am."

7:
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parents' names?" The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling." The teacher said, "Are you kidding?" The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking."

8:
Q: What's the difference between the England National Team and a teabag?
A: A teabag could stay in the cup for longer.

9:
Three football teams (Arsenal, Liverpool, and Hartsfield) are flying from England across Egypt for a match in the Middle East. Their plane crashes in the desert and they survive. After days of wandering, they are really hungry so when they come across a camel, the footballers decide to kill it and eat it. The Liverpool team says, "Because we play for Liverpool, will we eat the liver." The Hartsfield players decide, "Because we play for Hartsfield, we will eat the heart." Arsenal says, "I think we might go hungry..."

10:
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

11:
Things I know about you:

U are reading this.
U are human.
U can't say letter ''P'' without separating your lips.
U just attempted do do it.
U are laughing at yourself.
U have a smile on your face and you just skipped No.5
U just checked to see if there is a No.5
U laugh at this because you are an idiot & everyone does it too.
U are probably going to send this or show this to others to see who else falls for this..

12:
I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog poop. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing. I said to him, "I just did that." So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard.

13:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sunflowers are yellow,
I bet you were expecting something funny but no,
This is just gardening facts..

14:
have you done all these?
1) Walked into a room, forgot what you needed, walked out and then remembered.
2) When you where younger, drew the sun in the corner of the paper
3) When you were little, thought the shape of a real heart was actually ♥
4) Closed the fridge door really slow, just to see when the lights went off.
5) Tried to balance the light, between the on and off.

15:
washing car
Neighbor: You washing your car?
Me: No. Im watering it to see if it grows into a bus..

16:
I was bored so I said "Wow, that's a weird place to put a piano." You wouldn't believe how many people looked around for a piano. I was in a fuckin lift!

Showing previous versions of this text.

2017-05-04 18:40:30

2 Liners

Q: What computer sing the best?
A: A dell

Q: Why did Adele cross the road?
A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"

A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"

One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"

Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

Teacher: "Why are you so late?"
Student: "Someone told me to go to hell."
Teacher: "Why did that make you late to class?"
Student: "I couldn't find it at first, but now here I am."

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parents' names?" The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling." The teacher said, "Are you kidding?" The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking."

Q: What's the difference between the England National Team and a teabag?
A: A teabag could stay in the cup for longer.

Three football teams (Arsenal, Liverpool, and Hartsfield) are flying from England across Egypt for a match in the Middle East. Their plane crashes in the desert and they survive. After days of wandering, they are really hungry so when they come across a camel, the footballers decide to kill it and eat it. The Liverpool team says, "Because we play for Liverpool, will we eat the liver." The Hartsfield players decide, "Because we play for Hartsfield, we will eat the heart." Arsenal says, "I think we might go hungry..."

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."

Things I know about you:

are reading this.
U are human.
U can't say letter ''P'' without separating your lips.
U just attempted do do it.
U are laughing at yourself.
U have a smile on your face and you just skipped No.5
U just checked to see if there is a No.5
U laugh at this because you are an idiot & everyone does it too.
U are probably going to send this or show this to others to see who else falls for this..

I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog poop. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing. I said to him, "I just did that." So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sunflowers are yellow,
I bet you were expecting something funny but no,
This is just gardening facts..

have you done all these?
1) Walked into a room, forgot what you needed, walked out and then remembered.
2) When you where younger, drew the sun in the corner of the paper
3) When you were little, thought the shape of a real heart was actually ♥
4) Closed the fridge door really slow, just to see when the lights went off.
5) Tried to balance the light, between the on and off.

washing car
Neighbor: You washing your car?
Me: No. Im watering it to see if it grows into a bus..

I was bored so I said "Wow, that's a weird place to put a piano." You wouldn't believe how many people looked around for a piano. I was in a fuckin elevator!