SunFlash 9 months ago Manchester United, USA 15 2779 A bit of an introduction here, this is something I've wanted to do for awhile - a weekly fictional discourse between premier league sides regarding the events of the week. Obviously, this first one will be longer, since it combines the transfer window as well as the first three weeks of the season. I'd like to make this a weekly post here, but that will depend on if you guys like it, or if you think it's stupid. Let me know what you think. Premier League Teams weekly meeting, week 4 – international break Man United: A new season has started, and here we all are. It is a new season, and anything can happen! (everyone nods and smiles). Huddersfield: I don’t know what all the hype is about. This league is pretty easy! West Ham: Don’t get used to it. Leicester: Hey, don’t crush his dreams, he just may. Chelsea: Speaking of crushed dreams, how about Arsenal’s transfer window? Arsenal: Wenger out. Brighton: It is cool having millions to throw around. That’s kind of new for us. Burnley: Yeah, you don’t even need millions to beat giants like Chelsea. Chelsea: I’m mad at you for getting that result, but also flattered that you called me a giant, so I’m going to let that slide. Man United: Thanks for letting Matic slide by the way. Chelsea: It’s ok, we already spent seventy percent of that fee on Danny Drinkwater. Crystal Palace: Now that that’s out of the way, who wants to talk about the first three games? Great, me neither. Man United: Easy now, I think that I’ve looked pretty fantastic. Liverpool: Wait until you play someone good. Man United: We may have to wait awhile (points at schedule). Man City: It will be so satisfying to watch United struggle versus all of the big sides and relying on the referees for any points at all. Bournemouth: Not that you’d know anything about that. (everyone laughs except Man City). Newcastle: (plays Smoke Weed Everyday on the iPhone dock) Watford: Who the fck let Newcastle be this year’s DJ? Newcastle: With Rafa probably leaving this dumpster fire of a club, it was agreed that I should be allowed to enjoy my finite time here. West Ham: Tell Rafa that if he comes to West Ham he can spend all the money he wants. Newcastle: Pretty sure I just heard Portsmouth’s ghost saying that that’s a bad idea but I’ll let him know. Spurs: Everyone is ignoring me as usual. Stoke City: Is that the reason you’re giving Man City the middle finger? Spurs: No, it’s just a joke we have with Kyle Walker. Man City: Whatever. I’ll take care of you after I take care of Liverpool this weekend. Liverpool: Did you see what we did to those Germans in the UCL? Good luck with that. Man City: Wow, that’s scary. Good thing we spent two hundred million on our backline. Everton: Maybe if you had spent two hundred million on your attack, you could’ve actually beaten us. Man City: Brb, buying Messi. (everyone groans) Newcastle: (plays Money by Pink Floyd on the iPhone dock) Chelsea: Are we going to ignore that Man United spent more this summer than Man City? West Brom: Well there was more wrong with them. Chelsea: Fair enough. Everton: No one mind me, I’m still jerking off to that Siguardsson goal. Swansea City: Thanks for the fifty million. We have Renato Sanches now, and that plus Bony will totally keep us up this year! Arsenal: I’ll take that bet. I need some money. Liverpool: What, the stupid amount we gave you for Ox wasn’t enough? Arsenal: Who am I kidding, we suck. Ozil and Sanchez should both get out while they still can. Liverpool: Oh don’t worry about that. Just tell them whatever lies you have to to get them to stay. Stoke City: That seems unethical. Liverpool: Oh look, Stoke is giving us a lecture on ethics. What’s next, Man City giving us a lesson on how to spend money? Man City: Turns out we can maybe get Messi for free next summer. Southampton: Oh for f*ck’s sake. All you big clubs would be in League 2 if you had to sell your best players and develop your academies. Liverpool: Speaking of, what’s up with Van Dijk? Southampton: You know what, I’m willing to let Stoke give Liverpool that lecture on ethics. Man United: Ok, that’s enough. See you guys next week.