1. "You may as well put a cow in the middle of the pitch. And then stop the game because there was a cow." after Newcastle lost.

2. "The way they are, tomorrow we will probably read I am to blame for the volcano. Maybe I have a friend in the volcano and I am responsible for that." Responded to Barca's complain over travelling

3. “I am not concerned about how Chelsea are viewed morally,” Mourinho rambled in his first stint at Stamford Bridge. “What does concern me is that we are treated in a different way to other clubs. Some clubs are treated as devils, some are treated as angels. I don’t think we are so ugly that we should be seen as the devil and I don’t think Arsene Wenger [and Co.] are so beautiful that they should be viewed as angels.”

4. "Look, I’m a coach. I’m not Harry Potter," Mourinho said after drawing 0-0 with Real Mallorca on his competitive Real Madrid debut. "Harry Potter is magical, but in reality there is no magic. Magic is fiction and football is real." lollllllllllllll seriously I love this guy

5. "I am prepared," he said after signing Sami Khedira. "The more pressure there is, the stronger I am. In Portugal, we say the bigger the ship, the stronger the storm. Fortunately for me, I have always been in big ships. FC Porto were a very big ship in Portugal, Chelsea were also a big ship in England and Inter were a great ship in Italy. Now I’m at Real Madrid, which is considered the biggest ship on the planet."

6. Mourinho on squad rotation during his first spell at Chelsea: "If you have at home one Bentley and one Aston Martin, if you go all day everyday in the Bentley and leave the Aston Martin in the garage you are a bit stupid." =))))))))))))

7. "It's like having a blanket that is too small for the bed," Mourinho said when Chelsea were in the midst of an injury crisis at the end of the January transfer window in 2007. "You pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket because the supermarket is closed. But the blanket is made of cashmere."

8. "If you have no eggs, you have no omelette," Mourinho's infamously veiled criticism of Roman Abramovich's transfer policy began in 2007. "In the supermarket, you have class one, class two and class three eggs. Some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So, when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot get there, you have a problem." He was sacked shortly afterwards.

9. “Beautiful young eggs, eggs that need a mum, in this case a dad, to take care of them, to keep them warm during the winter, to bring the blankets and to work and improve them and one day we'll arrive in a moment when the weather changes, the sun rises, we break the eggs and the eggs are ready to go for life at the top level.”

10. "Claude Makelele is not a football player – Makelele is a slave," Mourinho said in criticism of the midfielder being called up to the France squad despite having announced his international retirement. "He’s played the biggest game you can, the World Cup final, and now wants to retire but the coach told us if he is not playing for France, he is not playing for Chelsea. We know the rules. You are a slave, you have no human rights."

11. "Barcelona is a cultural city with many great theatres," Mourinho started, in reaction to a young Lionel Messi getting Asier del Horno sent off for Chelsea in 2006. "And this boy has learned very well. He’s learned play-acting."

12. "Sometimes you see beautiful people with no brains. Sometimes you have ugly people who are intelligent, like scientists," Mourinho said ahead of a Champions League clash with Barcelona in 2006. "Our pitch is a bit like that. From the top it's a disgrace but the ball rolls at normal speed." =))))) lol did he implied scientist is UGLY?

13. "If you go hunting with a good dog, you hunt more. If you go with a cat, you hunt less but you're still hunting," Mourinho responded when asking about Gonzalo Higuain's injury, meaning he would be starting Karim Benzema.

14. "If I wanted to work quietly, I would have stayed at Portugal,” Mourinho said at his first press conference as Chelsea boss – the same one he coined the term 'special one'. “In Portugal we have pretty blue chairs, the Champions League, God and then, right after him, me.”

15. “It was a goal that came from the moon - from the Anfield stands,” Mourinho said after Chelsea were defeated by a ghost goal in the 2004-05 Champions League semi-final. “The best team lost. Liverpool scored, if you can say that they scored, because maybe you should say the linesman scored.”

16. "Young players are a little bit like melons," Mourinho mused in 2007 towards the end of his first stint at Chelsea. "Only when you open and taste the melon are you 100 per cent sure that the melon is good. Sometimes you have beautiful melons but they don’t taste very good and some other melons are a bit ugly and, when you open them, the taste is fantastic. The bridge is a difficult one to cross and they have to play with us and train with us for us to taste the melon."

17. "The one with 30 years experience has never won anything; the one with three years has won a lot," Mourinho wrote in his newspaper column in February 2005, regarding Porto coach Jesualdo Ferreira. "The one with a 30-year career will be forgotten when he ends it; the one with three could end it right now and he could never be erased from history. This could be the story of a donkey who worked for 30 years but never became a horse."

18. “As we say in Portugal, they brought the bus and they left the bus in front of the goal,” Mourinho said, famously coining the term 'parking the bus' after drawing 0-0 with Tottenham in 2004. “I would have been frustrated if I had been a supporter who paid £50 to watch this game because Spurs came to defend. There was only one team looking to win, they only came not to concede; it’s not fair for the football we played.” =))))) said the BUS PARKING MASTER.

19. "I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur," Mourinho said of Arsene Wenger in 2005. "He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea. I don't know if he wants my job, I don't know. He loves Chelsea.". Mou later also calls Wenger as a specialist in failure.

Lolllz, this guy is HILLARIOUS.... Mine favorite are:

• "Look, I’m a coach. I’m not Harry Potter,"
• “As we say in Portugal, they brought the bus and they left the bus in front of the goal,” ironically he's the bus parking master himself.
• “In Portugal we have pretty blue chairs, the Champions League, God and then, right after him, me.”

With all due respect, Wenger was called a specialist in failure is somewhat true, and it's funny. Mou has all the right to say it especially he has BEATEN Wenger all the times, he's out of excuses.

This guy does not just know his football, but also entertain us with his humor :)) I'm glad he came back to England. +1

Great list, my +1. Understandable that Wenger is to Mou "Specialist in failure". But Bus Master talking of Spurs' bus... LOL...

yeah that was ironic

If you have no eggs, you have no omelette :)

Mourinho reacted to Wenger's words about him fearing of being defeated .

After years of watching his career , I realized that he is in total control of what he says and when he says . He runs the show at the press conference . People may call him hypocrite , but he is perfectly aware that this will happen .

For example , He knows he "parks bus" too when needed and he gets the most criticism well because it Jose and it is Chelsea and media loves to speculate on it . He is perfectly aware of it . Therefore when someone else does it , he immediately strikes them with same criticism he gets for parking bus . He likes reaction and shows hypocrisy of media, managers and fans whenever he wants to .

Almost every comment he makes are not just empty talk . They are said with purpose . Just watch last 4-5 interviews where he constantly says we have small injuries but "we won't cry about it " . He repeated that in several interviews . Obviously , He is trying to get under other managers skin who are having injury crisis .

That is why I respect this man a lot because he paints the picture of himself to you and he fights for titles on and off the pitch . Very very intelligent manager . He still has another good 20 years of managing . I have doubt he will go down as greatest manager of all time .

“I would have been frustrated if I had been a supporter who paid £50 to watch this game because Spurs came to defend. There was only one team looking to win, they only came not to concede; it’s not fair for the football we played.”
So that's the match when Mou first time saw parking bus may win something! So it's all Spurs fault! :D

"If you have no eggs, you have no omelette"
Love this one, Wenger should read this as well
+1

Btw, you didn't noticed that you write 11. before 9.?

*"11. "Claude Makelele is not a football player – Makelele is a slave," Mourinho said in criticism of the midfielder being called up to the France squad despite having announced his international retirement. "He’s played the biggest game you can, the World Cup final, and now wants to retire but the coach told us if he is not playing for France, he is not playing for Chelsea. We know the rules. You are a slave, you have no human rights."**

• 9. "Barcelona is a cultural city with many great theatres," Mourinho started, in reaction to a young Lionel Messi getting Asier del Horno sent off for Chelsea in 2006. "And this boy has learned very well. He’s learned play-acting."

Btw, you didn't noticed that it's from the 20 to the 1... and that there is no 10...

Liverpool's ghost goal was shameful !

^ I noticed that too.

Only in football could you get away from spewing so much ignorance, disrespect and pure garbage and at the same time being hailed as "entertaining" and "clever". I despise Mourinho as a person, but cannot deny that he is good at his job.

Special one!

@thegame

Ironically , I know you love dear Sir Alex . He is like Jesus to United fans. ( Same is true with Jose to Chelsea )

And Sir Alex Ferguson ( who also was all those things you said about Jose ) loves Mourinho and respects him a lot . Takes one Great to recognize another Great .

And come on mate what do we know about him as a person ? Nothing .

@Marcus, it doesn't take a genius to generalize about Mourinho's personal characteristics based on how he conducts himself in a professional setting. I don't like the ego of SAF or LVG for that matter, but the United job is too big for someone with a small ego, as Moyes clearly demonstrated. SAF would never call another manager a "voyeur". Think about it. In any other walks of life besides football if you call someone that you'll probably get fired. And if SAF really thought Mourinho was so "great", I think he would have done a lot more to ensure that he comes to United, despite Mourinho perhaps wanting a return to Chelsea.

@game

You can't judge person's personality on how he conducts his business . That is why people say " Nothing personal , it is all business " . It's his career and he does everything to succeed . Well, today we have a perfect example , a thread about Pepe passing out meat in his local neighborhood . We all know he is a c*nt on the pitch, but is he the same off the pitch ? Deed he did suggest maybe not .

Why would SAF somehow influence Mourinho's choice coming back to Chelsea ? Place where he has a strong support to the point of worship , also owner himself kept good relationship with him and asked him to comeback . Rich Club that he has only good things to say about during his first spell. Club that he loves very much . It is no brainer ! He said himself , only one club in EPL for him and it is Chelsea . Ofcourse you never know , but with so many good reason to come back to Chelsea , it was just no brainer to join United even if SAF begged him . And he made a right choice .

"SAF would never call another manager a "voyeur". "

Come on mate are you serious ? Here are some things he said that are just as offensive :

"They say he's an intelligent man, right? Speaks five languages! I've got a 15-year-old boy from the Ivory Coast who speaks five languages!" (On Wenger)

"He's a novice - he should keep his opinions to Japanese football" (Guess? Yep, Wenger)

Definition of a voyeur: a person who gets sexual pleasure from secretly watching other people have sex.

Not even close to being on the same level of offensiveness. But nice try.

Yes, in hindsight it was a good move by Mourinho to come back to Chelsea, but idk how that is part of this conversation. I simply don't think SAF thought he was as "great" as you put it. In fact, Sir Bobby Charlton who is a much closer friend of SAF said that he didn't really like Mourinho.

"Nothing personal, it is just business" is such a played out cliche. Some would argue that business is the most personal thing in the world. Pepe showing violence on the pitch and charity off the pitch are two different character traits. Perhaps he grew up in a poor sector and wanted to give back. Mourinho's manipulative, arrogant and disrespectful nature transcend that and demonstrate a deeper character flaw that ironically makes him a good manager, but, I still maintain, an outright shi*** person.

Alex Ferguson would never call another manager a "voyeur".

At the same time, Mourinho would never kick a boot at his player's face.

They're both two of the greatest managers of all time, but they both have their negatives. They're people, and people have faults. We only see their public image. They might be angels to their families, we would never know. It's best not to judge them and call them sh*t people over public incidents.

@thegame

There are two definitions to that word : Sexual and Moral . Ofcourse you just like media picked the sexual. Not your fault just our world and society is going bananas . ( Can't believe I am about to teach english :D )

For example : "I felt like voyeur visiting the war zone and seeing badly injuredpeople being dragged from their bomb-shattered homes."

Nice try ;)

"Nothing personal, it is just business" is such a played out cliche.

I can see why you would think so. And some way I agree . However, I am not sure about Pepe , but Mourinho clearly puts on a different mask when he is doing press conference or managing the club . Same mask that Sir Alex putted on and if Sir Alex was in the same position as Mourinho , during first spell when Wenger was constantly talking about Chelsea , knowing how sharp he is with words , he would probably called Wenger "voyeur" too .

Here is a quote to you @game

"Believe half of what you see and nothing that you hear "

@dyanstian98

That is what I believe too . Public incidents don't tell us what kind of persona they are .

@Marcus, LOL. Mate, I don't think you understand the definition of the word or the context in which it is usually used. But that's fine. You can go ahead and believe that Mourinho is an angel. In fact, I wouldn't expect anything less. You are absolutely right: Mourinho used the term voyeur instead of "stalker" or "obsessive", because he was referring to the "moral" definition of that word. SMH. Anyways, since you have a "my way or highway" attitude with regards to anything Chelsea related and were quoting E.A.P, here is one advice that you should follow: Convinced myself, I seek not to convince.

@TheGame: I wouldnt say he got away with it. A lot of people bash him and hate him for his words, even laugh at him. He has people who hate him, love him, or dislike him but appreciate his work (like me).

We can't deny the fact that he's entertaining, and a lot of thing that he said is true (almost all of it), he just use some mad/ridiculous metaphor that is too funny. Like can you imagine Ancelotti and Sir Alex or Guardiola would come up with Egg and Omelette, or put a cow, or Harry Porter in a press conference.

And he's ONE big successful, fearsome manager.

And again, some of the word that he use, it's just the matter of interpretation and language boundary. Not to mention Wenger attacked on him first... but anyway, the guy is no saint, he has his big guilt... one of the most controversial manager ever.

I remember I had a big argument with @Dyn back then because I was bashing Mou for his ugly football style, and I did NOT think it was genius to win with the players at his disposal, any manager could have pulled that off... But in general I still think he's one of the best out there.